chauffeuring | open post

❰ though there's no tangible difference in ignis's movements, his pain hits gladiolus like a truck. it's like a vacuum exists where iggy once stood, and gladio can't figure out how to properly breathe through the force of it.

before he can even think, he's on his feet, eyes open, heading for the bed and the man who until moments ago was struggling to make it. with shaking hands he reaches out to snag ignis's wrists in no uncertain terms and pull them up into the space between them. ❱ Stop, stop - ❰ low and raw, his next inhale a shudder. with only a moment's hesitation, his forehead falls heavily on iggy's shoulder. ❱ I-... ❰ but he doesn't know how to finish that sentence. how to fix any of this. he doesn't know why it suddenly matters that he even try, when just a minute ago he was content to sit here and make his final stand. ❱

[ the small drop of blood on the sheets is starting to become a serious problem in ignis' mind, representing everything that is wrong at that exact moment. if he'd had his gloves then it wouldn't have even become an issue, but then if noct hadn't died — if they hadn't failed — then his gloves would be where they were supposed to be.

it takes a second for ignis to even realise he can't move his hands, noticing that gladio has snagged them. when had he even moved from the chair without being spotted? ignis quickly wonders just how caught up he'd been to miss it, making no move to free his wrists or move away when gladio rests a forehead on his shoulder. gladio doesn't need to say anything, they understand each other even without having to say it. everything is a mess and no matter what they do it's not something so easily put back together, if at all. ignis swallows, voice thick as he tries to talk around the lump in his throat. his chest already feels inexplicably tight and he rests his jaw against gladio's temple in a small show of sympathy and understanding.] I don't know how to fix this...

❰ if there's any such thing as mercy anymore, it shows itself when ignis fails to lash out at him for a second time, instead pressing his jaw to gladio's temple to unknowingly offer what's probably the strongest grounding force gladio has right now. for a blissful second, there's almost nothing. it's not the eye of the storm, but to a much lesser degree it's not unlike it.

but moments later, gladio's inexplicably aware of how badly his hands are shaking, because now they're shaking iggy's hands just as badly, and somehow that's not an acceptable consequence, so with that realization comes release. he lets go of the other man's hands, not quite as if burned but not entirely gentle either, and - 'i don't know how to fix this...' - his own hands sink uselessly to his sides. ❱

You - ❰ but that wasn't even a word, really. a sound at best. he doesn't know where all of the air in his lungs went, but he forces them now to at least partway refill.

at once, gladio tries again. ❱ You don't fix this. Nobody does. ❰ he's not trying to be depressing or make this worse. he just can't lie right now, not to himself and for damn sure not to iggy. ❱

[ upon hearing those words from gladio, ignis can't help but close his eyes and hold his breath. hearing them spoken out loud just cements everything into place, that no matter what he does or how much he pretends everything is normal, nothing will truly be the same. the gaping hole left behind by noctis will never go away or stop hurting. normally people would grieve and in time come to accept their loss as they spend time fondly remembering their loved one. ignis knows better though. this will never get easier because it's not just a friend they've lost. he'd been just about raised to look after noctis and without him what else was there? what would he even do? there's no backup plan for when the center of your world falls apart.

ignis lets his breath out, ignoring how shaky it is as he blinks back tears. crying won't fix anything or solve any problems; shedding tears won't bring back the dead and ignis can't help but despise how his body betrays him as the corners of his vision begin to blur. he even reaches out to snag gladio's wrist with one hand, taking the smallest piece of solace he can in that simple touch.] Then what's the point?

❰ iggy's shaking. at least his breath is, and gladio may have been shaking all this time but this is different. ignis, he's-... well, obviously not impenetrable, but some part of gladio used to think he was.

it's as if all this time, he expected iggy to have some kind of logical rationale for why things aren't entirely fucked. but he doesn't, and the weight of that fact bears down hard on gladio's shoulders. it's heavy, too heavy.

the instant the hand closes around his wrist, gladio's knees drop out from under him, forehead sliding off ignis's shoulder and down most of his chest. and then he's on a knee, almost as if he's taking some sort of oath instead of simply falling apart. his other hand's found the one wrapped around his wrist and that's where his forehead rests now, on the only contact left between them. it's a lifeline he doesn't deserve. ❱

I should've - ❰ he chokes, sucking in a hitched breath. his own eyes are swimming now, the carpet blurring in the moment before he closes them altogether. ❱ I-, I did this. All I had to do was - ❰ was protect the prince. he had one job. ❱

[ there are no answers for what has happened, nor are there answers for what they should be doing next and that realization takes ignis' breath away all over again. everything they have done up until now had a purpose and now there was nothing to look towards but a chasm of uncertainty. there is no longer a set direction for them to follow.

ignis snaps out of his fugue a little as he feels gladio sinking to one knee. it's not difficult to see the thought process and emotions that gladiolus is going through. to some degree they all feel it, but ignis knows on some level that the amicitia family had their own crosses to bear and that the death of the crown prince would be something to haunt gladio for decades. ignis quickly makes a decision, trying to ignore his own crippling pain in order to help another. he doesn't have any hope for the future or plans to make for them to adhere to, but ignis knows that at least right now he can try to make some kind of a difference.

otherwise what else is there? what is the point of any of this? what is the point to him?

ignis crouches down as he does his best to hold his own emotions in check. gladio needs him, he needs someone and ignis reaches out to place his free hand on the back of the other's neck.] You did not do this. You didn't.

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